Nobody Can Handle Dolly Parton’s Sense of Humor And It’s HILARIOUS!
You know up here in the Smoky Mountains, when those girls couldn’t get the man we wanted, we’d >> As you know.
>> Well, you and I are the same age and I you know, I’ve always I’ve never had any children either and I always wanted to and you know, cuz I always kind of wanted to experience that whole breastfeeding thing.
>> [laughter] >> What if you had a grand piano, wouldn’t you want TO PLAY IT?
>> [laughter] >> DOLLY PARTON DOESN’T JUST HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR, she has a weapon.
And nobody, and I mean nobody walks away from a joke exchange with this woman unscathed.
Let’s count the ways.
First up, impersonators.
People have tried to be Dolly.
Wigs, the voice, the whole act and every time Dolly’s response isn’t offense, it’s comedy gold.
She doesn’t get rattled by someone copying her, she just out jokes them on the spot, reminding everyone that there’s only one original and honey, you’re not it.
>> She’s someone I’ve always looked up to.
I mean, everything I know about music I learned from Barbara Mandrell.
Oh, do tell.
Oh, hi Dolly.
>> Oh, hi Dolly.
>> What have you got in there, YOUR SISTERS?
I MEAN, I want you to just take off my hair and I want you to stop impersonating my body.
We’ll be right back with more.
>> Some people, you’ll be right BACK WITH LESS.
>> [laughter] [applause] >> AND I’LL TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY THEN WE CAN END.
DOLLY [clears throat] PARTON, I was working with her on her show.
And people were saying, “Aren’t you jealous that um Whitney recorded your song I Will Always Love You?”
>> She said, “Jack it, come here.
Come here.”
>> We went in her dressing room.
She said, “Let me show you something.”
And she went in her drawer and pulled out a copy.
And she said, “This is my first royalty check from I Will Always Love You.
” So, I looked at You know what it said?
And it was the first one.
>> Mhm.
A million dollars.
>> WOW.
>> [laughter] >> SHE SAID SHE SAID YOU THINK I’M ANGRY.
>> DID YOU KNOW DOLLY CAN MAKE ACTUAL music with her fingernails?
Those iconic long acrylics aren’t just for show.
She can click, tap, and drum out a beat with them like a one-woman rhythm section.
>> You know, I write a lot of songs when I don’t have my guitar.
You know, I I beat around on the dashboard of my car when I’m riding around writing songs.
But then I have a little rhythm that we can do with these acrylic nails.
Can you do that?
>> Yeah.
>> Oh, good.
You want to play a little song for them?
Get up close to your microphone.
We’re miked right down in here.
Get up Get up close to it.
Okay.
>> That’s cute.
>> Can you hear that?
See, we didn’t plan this, but we didn’t know how it was going to sound.
See if we could do something like this.
Mama lived in a sH๏τgun in Charlotte and Mama lived in a sH๏τgun in bread.
Mama lived in a sH๏τgun in Charlotte and Mama lived in a sH๏τgun [music] in bread.
PLAY IT, PATTY.
>> [applause] >> YEAH.
>> OH, REALLY?
>> YEAH.
YEAH.
>> He’s going to marry me and he’s going to buy me a ring.
We’re going to be so free cuz Mama’s apron’s clean.
He’s going to buy me a pretty little house and a pretty little baby with green cuz he’s going to kiss me all on the mouth and he’s going to MARRY ME.
>> YEEHAW.
>> OH, THAT’S GREAT.
>> [cheering] >> THAT’S VERY GOOD.
>> THEN THERE’S DOLLY AND HER BIG SISTER WILLADEENE.
Put these two in a room together and it’s basically a comedy duo.
The sibling banter, the timing, the way they riff off each other.
It’s the kind of funny you can’t script.
>> Willadeene’s a wonderful writer of poetry.
She’s been writing poems and stories since I was We were both little bitty things.
We’re not that far apart in age and We’re not really.
The other Well, actually we’re five five years difference in >> We’re five and a half >> Five and a half and the other day on Kathie Lee Gifford, I said Willadeene was six years older than me.
” Boy, she jumped my ᴀss ABOUT THAT.
I SAID, “I SAID, ‘6 YEARS OLDER THAN I SAID, “SHE ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE WAS my mother anyway.”
>> Oh, I understand.
>> But days and hours count, you know, when you’re that when you’re as old as WE ARE.
>> [laughter] >> SO, WHEN I WAS JUST LITTLE, SHE ALWAYS THOUGHT SEE, I’m She’s the oldest and I have two brothers and then when I was when I was born, she thought she was my mother.
>> gave her to me as my baby as my baby doll.
So, I took it really seriously.
>> with them two boys.
>> Right.
And one day she was uh washing down at the wash house under the hill, you know, [music] from where the house was and I was taking care of Dolly.
And I was tossing her up in the air and since I was only 5 and 1/2, >> [laughter] >> she I was tossing her up and I dropped her and she rolled So, she she rolled down the hill and uh So, I could think I helped her get her started in life.
She’s been on a roll
Ever since.
>> She’s [laughter] been on a roll ever since.
>> [applause] >> Dolly sat down on Johnny Carson’s show and the topic of her weight loss came up.
Most people would get cagey, not Dolly.
She turned it into one of the most quotable, laugh-out-loud responses in talk show history.
>> I asked you during the commercial, you’ve lost some weight, haven’t you?
I know you’ve been trying to lose some weight.
>> I’ve been working on it most of the summer cuz I enjoy eating and I’m a very healthy, hearty person as you can well tell.
>> But But I’m getting ready to do uh some movies sometime in the fall and I’m trying to get skinny and lovely so I can be in >> Is it tough?
>> Well, it’s always tough to go on a >> weight did you lose?
>> Uh well, too much.
I always say that I weighed 120.
I’m just saying now that I’ve lost the plenty.
>> Yeah.
>> I still I still want to >> waist I’ve ever seen.
>> Well, I don’t know if it’s my waist so little.
It’s just my >> Just in contrast [clears throat] to >> I don’t Yeah, maybe.
>> [applause] >> What would you do?
You You can’t be more than 22, 23 in >> I’m about 22 right now.
I still got a little bit of a weight to lose, but I’ve always been >> Don’t lose your >> lucky in that way.
Well, don’t lose my image.
>> [laughter] >> I got I can’t take all your joking material away from you.
>> No, no, I wouldn’t Oh, no, no, no.
I wouldn’t joke about that.
>> No, I appreciate you keeping me H๏τ.
In fact, before we talk ABOUT MY TIME >> [applause] >> WHAT?
WHAT?
>> I DON’T MEAN I MEAN H๏τ AS IN >> IT’S WARM.
IT’S WARM.
It’s warm.
Keep you warm.
Popular.
I think the word is popular.
Popular.
See how people quickly they seize on everything.
Yeah.
>> But that’s okay.
>> And finally, after the pᴀssing of her husband, Carl Dean, rumors swirled that Dolly might remarry.
Instead of shutting it down with a stiff no comment, she addressed it head-on with humor, grace, and just enough sᴀss to shut the tabloids up while making everyone laugh at the same time.
>> And I am not dating anybody.
I’m not married.
I don’t think I’ll ever remarry but once.
I think Carl Dean is waiting for me on the other side.
>> [cheering] >> And if I should show up at the pearly gates with somebody else, he would not like that.
He’d be saying, “Who’s that little pisser?
You leave him outside the gates.
If the Lord wants you to be in here, bring him.
You get on in here with me.”
So,
